If you’re like me and love all of the bonding and social opportunities the holidays bring, you’re probably also aware that these loving, happy connections with close friends and family can sometimes stir up difficult emotions and feelings caused by loss, grief, or just plain old feelings of overwhelm.  Hopefully, you will receive these sadder moments with an empathetic heart. 

So what does it mean to have empathy or to be empathic?  For a long time, I thought empathy and sympathy were the same thing, but the two are actually pretty different.  Both empathy and sympathy are derivatives of compassion, and while both are inherently good qualities, they differ when it comes to true connection.  Sympathy is feeling compassion, pity, or sorrow for the suffering of another without truly understanding how or what the other person is feeling.  An example of sympathy is “feeling sorry” for a friend whose parent just passed away.  You feel bad about what they must be going through without actually experiencing their feelings with them.  Empathy, on the other hand, is allowing yourself to be vulnerable and feel another person's emotions or feelings when they are going through a difficult time.  According to Dr. Brené Brown, empathy fuels connection while sympathy drives disconnection.  In this simple yet brilliant video, Brené Brown on Empathy she explains empathy as having 4 elements:

1. Recognizing the perspective of another person and actively listening to their unique circumstances without projecting your own experience or “stuff” on them.

2. Staying out of judgment even when you don’t agree with their situation.  Accepting where the other person is at without projecting any of your opinions, ideas, or advice.

3. Recognizing the other persons' feelings and allowing them the space to share and express their own feelings and emotions about what they are experiencing.

4. Communicating your understanding with their emotions. Ex: “I know you’re in a hard place right now and I don’t know what to say except,  I’m here for you.“ “I know how hard this is for you but you’re not alone.” 

In a season filled with joy, spectacle and delight, it’s easy to lose sight that not everyone is exuding light. For some, it’s a dark and hollow time. Having empathy gives us the ability to feel what another person is going through and sitting with them in that dark place - letting them know they’re not alone. 

It’s also important to note what’s not Empathy. It’s not trying to make things better, painting silver linings, “one-upping”, or offering advice or solutions. It’s a reciprocal gift where the person receiving empathy gains strength, courage and validation, while the person giving empathy expands their ability to receive love, acceptance, and validation themselves.  

While showing empathy is something I highly encourage everyone to practice, remember that showing yourself love and compassion (ie, self-care) is especially important if you are going to be able to continue showing empathy for others.

I spent a significant part of last week showing up and holding space for friends and family members who needed the empath in me.  Although it was an honor to be there for them in their time of need, I found myself emotionally and physically depleted from just a few days of empath overload. Therefore, I showed up for myself this past weekend and dedicated it to doing things that I needed to replenish and feed my soul.  I watched inspirational movies and shows that made me cry, laugh, and feel hope.  I delved into good books and magazines, slept in, went holiday shopping and decorated my house for the season.

I meditated and prayed, went for nature walks, drank hot cocoa, cuddled up with my kids and dog as much as I could, and spent quality time with my husband.  And guess what, it worked! I feel refueled, re-energized, and re-inspired. Better yet, I feel good about being a better human because I share space with people I care about.  So if you find yourself feeling depleted from expressing empathy this holiday season, you’re not alone.  There are simple ways to “reset” yourself just by dedicating a day or two to some serious self-care and doing things that bring you peace, love, and joy.  You’re worth it. You earned it and you need it. 

To wrap things up, I want to reinforce that empathy is not the easiest thing to practice, and I believe it requires a higher level of emotional intelligence to be a truly impactful empath. However, did you know that empathy can be learned? So, if you want to live a more enriched and compassionate life do yourself a favor and immerse yourself in learning how to become more empathetic. It will elevate your life in so many unforeseen ways and help you appreciate everything and everyone around you, including yourself.   

Are you an empath? If so, share with us how you navigate through life offering up your empathetic self.

Cheers!

~Penny